Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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