The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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