i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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