So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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