Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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