Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
