your parents love me but you hate me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
