Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
