My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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