So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
