I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
