Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
