I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Randomize
