Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
