and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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