she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
