A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
