y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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