i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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