so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
