I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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