Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if only i could text you this smell
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
