i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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