I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
