your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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