I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
