Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
