Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
