I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
