Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
