like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
