guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
