Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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