The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
