____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
