so that wasnt chicken after all
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
