I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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