Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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