So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
