three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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