The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He felt like a one man threesome
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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