What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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