Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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