Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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