I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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