it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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