The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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