Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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