I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
