Umm I'm too high to move.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
