o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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