I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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