You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
