i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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