Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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