I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
