A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
