Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
