sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
