i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
