just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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