Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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