Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
