Tell her she can't have a vagina
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Shame is for Republicans.
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