Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
