she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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