How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
