sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
