so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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