So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
