Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
