I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
