I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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