you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
